Home


The Pregnancy
The News
The Labor
The Day After
The Final Days
Test Results

In Honor
Obituary
Photo Album
Guestbook
Baby Blog
The Labor

I was admitted to the hospital as an in-patient, and we were wheeled off to a labor and delivery room. I was only one centimeter dilated, so they gave me an IV and drugs to induce labor and hooked me up to a monitor to record my contractions. It was late. I couldn't imagine how long it would take before the real labor would begin and how I was going to get through it. I asked for something to help me sleep - all too aware that it didn't matter if the drugs would pass through to the baby.

Jamie slept beside me in the reclining chair. I can't imagine what he was going through. Nurses came in and took my blood pressure every hour or so - apparently it was very high. Someone else would come in every so often to take blood. Yet another person came in and cut my arm in a couple places to see how long it would take to stop bleeding.

I slept the entire time with one eye open. I was so exhausted that I could have slept standing up, but I had to be fully alert at all times. I had to be sure that if the nurses or doctor came in to tell us something that I was awake to hear it and fully understand it.

By morning I was only dilated 2 cm. The contractions were not increasing so they continued to increase the amount of Pitocin in my IV. I felt like I was having a continuous contraction that would not allow me to rest. The next doctor on duty came in and told me if I wanted an epidural to let him know.

My sister Beth came to visit, and I could see how bad she felt for us. It was good to have her there though because it gave Jamie a break to leave the room and make phone calls to his family and our friends. Reverend Ruth also came to visit when she heard the news. It started to sink in that this was all real, seeing the sorrow on other people's faces.

I finally did ask for the epidural, but they told me they could no longer give it to me because there was a problem. I had developed dangerously high blood pressure, and there were not enough platelets in my blood for it to clot. It would be too dangerous because of the risk of bleeding from the injection.

They continued to increase the Pitocin, which made the contractions even more painful. I asked for any sort of pain relief, but nothing they gave me seemed to help. All I could think about was the loss of my baby. I wondered how everything that was so perfect just yesterday could suddenly be so wrong.

Jamie tried to rub my back to comfort me, but I didn't want to be touched. I had a blood pressure cuff on my arm that would automatically take my blood pressure every few minutes. It seemed to be timed to go off simultaneously with my contractions, adding to the pain. I had three different IVs in my arms and bruises from all the different sites where blood had been drawn.

The entire time that Sharon spent in labor (about 18 hours total), there really wasn't anything I could do to comfort her. The birthing classes and books that we read did not cover a situation like this, and because her pain was constant, all I could do was watch her suffer. It was very painful for me to see her like that.

It was now Saturday afternoon. We had been here since Friday night. There had still been no progress with the labor. I begged the doctor to do a c-section. The doctor finally agreed that there was no other choice at this point, but because my platelets were so low, it was going to be risky. They had to order a transfusion of blood platelets to be delivered to the hospital before they could do the surgery. It would be a few more hours for the platelets to arrive.

That waiting period was really difficult because the drugs that they had given her just didn't help anymore. There was not one single positive outcome to any of this, so the pain she was enduring was that much worse. It was Sharon's own will that got her through it. One of the doctors took me out into the hallway to tell me that she knew how stressed out I was and how helpless I felt. She assured me that me just being by her side is what Sharon really needed to get through this.

It is hard to find the right words to describe the situation, but let me say that after seeing Sharon suffering for hours on end, verbally explaining her pain and stress, and fighting back in anguish, and then all of a sudden watch her settle down and become silent and motionless, breathing slowly through the contractions- I truly felt my heart grow for her. Under her own will, she was able to calm herself down and get through the final stages of this horrific ordeal. I honestly can't begin to say what I feel for her now, how my love for her is so strong... I see her so differently now - I see how strong of a human she is. I love her more than I ever thought humanly possible. She is the most amazing woman I know to be able to do what she did right before my very eyes.

Finally it was time to go into surgery. The anesthesiologist came in and introduced herself. She asked me a few questions and I had to sign some forms. They put me on the stretcher and wheeled me down the hall. I didn't have a chance to say goodbye to Jamie before they wheeled me into the operating room. They gave me an oxygen mask, and the anesthesia put me to sleep.

Before we left the room for the surgery, we said "I Love You" to each other. I followed as they wheeled Sharon down the hallway to the operating room. I was talking to the head nurse about what was about to happen and where I could hang out to wait for news. We got to the end of the hall and I was not allowed to continue through the doors to the operating room. Before I knew it Sharon was gone and I wasn't able to talk to her that one last time, or give her a kiss and tell her that I'd be right here waiting for her. I was hoping and praying that I'd see her once again. I did have a very positive outlook, however, because of what I just watched her go through.

My parents were in the waiting room so I went to get them and bring them to the end of the hall with me. I called Deb and told her that it was a good time for her to come to the hospital. She said that she'd get the kids taken care of and that she'd be on her way in no time.

The hall that goes to the operating room was right next to the nursery, so I peeked in on all the little babies relaxing and hanging out. I was pacing back and forth in that small space, talking with my parents, trying to joke and keep myself positive. That effort was short-lived - I had to cry again... These were the rare moments that I got to "unload" my emotion without Sharon seeing me. I felt it was my duty to be strong for her, to be there for her and take care of her. I was thinking that I had no right to cry in front of her while she was enduring pain and suffering far beyond what I could comprehend.

There was another couple in a private room right across from the nursery, and they were hanging out in the hall as well, looking in on the nursery. I tried so hard to not cry in front of them. It's so crazy that there could be people standing just two feet away from me, experiencing such a totally different set of emotions.

The nurse came out to see me and said that Sharon was now sedated and that they were going to begin the surgery to get Owen out. She said she'd be back in a bit to let me know more and to take me to the PACU room, where Sharon would be taken to recover from the surgery. After she brought me to the PACU, she told me to just relax and she would let me know when they'd be bringing Owen to me.

My parents came to the PACU with me to sit and wait. Very shortly my sister and her husband Richie arrived. I can't tell you how happy and how touched I was to see Richie there with her. It meant so much to have all four of them with me in that room. We were talking small talk about the past events but also just trying to stay "cool" about things.

In a matter of moments, the nurse came to the door with my son in her arms. She handed him to me, all wrapped up tightly like a little burrito, with a little yellow hat that was tied tight with a baby blue piece of yarn. The moment I held him, I felt as though a cocoon wrapped around me... I was so glad that I was seated, because I was not prepared to experience what I felt that moment...

I have heard many parents say the first time they held their own child, they experienced this overwhelming feeling of love. I know the first time I ever held my niece Emma and my nephew Kevin, I felt and incredible amount of love for them as well. Well, the moment that I held Owen, that cocoon appeared and it was the most intense feeling of love for another human being that I ever felt in my entire life. It completely knocked the shit out of me.

I was not prepared to feel a love that powerful, and at the same time the most intense sadness that a parent should NEVER have to endure. I was holding my beautiful and precious son and he was dead. I held his tiny little head in my right hand, and tears were falling out and landing on his face. I kissed him, I touched him, I smelled him, I wanted to squeeze him so tight.

My family came around me to get a better look at him. They were all around me holding me and comforting me. I told them that we had named him Owen Henry Reiley, and I asked if anyone wanted to hold him. I gave him to my father to hold so I could blow my snot filled nose.

The nurse came in and said that Sharon was doing great and that she was slowly starting to come out of the anesthesia. She also mentioned that Sharon had heavy hemorrhaging during the surgery but that they were able to stop it without any problems. At the time, I didn't pay much attention to what she said about the bleeding, all I heard was that she was ok. It wasn't until later that I realized that I almost lost my wife too.

The nurse came back in and said that my family need to leave so that they could bring Sharon in to me. They took Owen away from me and put him on a small table near the window. I hugged my family and thanked them all so much for being with me and supporting us. Sharon was brought in to me and was still heavily sedated. She was making some noises and had an oxygen mask on her face that she wanted to take off.

They immediately hooked her up to new monitors and equipment. I was running my hand across her forehead and telling her that I loved her and that I was right there with her. She wanted the mask off because it was hurting her nose. She also wanted to lay on her side because she was tired of being on her back for so long. The nurses were taken aback by that request because they had never heard anyone ask to lay on their side after major abdomminal surgery like a c-section, but that just shows how amazing Sharon is, and how strong she is. It took some time to get her all hooked up and get her settled.

I can't even remember if it was me, or if the nurses brought Owen over to her to hold. They put him on her chest so that she could see him. She was only able to hold him for a short time because she was having a hard time breathing and getting comfortable. To this day she regrets that she can't remember feeling him when he was warm and that she didn't hold him longer. I always tell her that she was still under drugs so she shouldn't feel guilty, and that she did hold him, she did touch him, she did say she loved him.

I went over to a nurse and asked if he had big hands and feet. The nurse was re-wrapping Owen to get him a little tighter and snug so, she called me over to where he was and unwrapped to show me his feet. His hands and feet were so big and so wonderful!!